Writing Through the Pain
Wayne L. Misner
June 1, 2007
Why did I write two books? To give hope to those who have none.
What makes me an expert is that I have “been there and done that.” I was raised by my divorced mother in the depressed area of Union City, New Jersey. My dad left (and also divorced me) when I was nine years old. I do not remember much about him prior to that age. All I do remember is his anger and that at times he hit me for no other reason than the fact that I was there.
As I grew up, I belonged to a club called the Blue Birds. (Each member of the club had a bluebird tattoo on his left biceps.) It was a gang of guys, fighting many battles in the back streets of a city. I was lucky I did not get killed or end up in jail. I dropped out of high school after three months, had all kinds of odd jobs, and eventually joined the Service. After boot camp I was shipped over to the Korean War at the ripe old age of seventeen. After three years I received an Honorable Discharge and was given the Korean Service Medal with a Bronze Service Star, United Nations Service Medal, National Defense Service Medal, and at the age of twenty, was as hard as a rock (which I believe many men become, although in different circumstances than mine). It has taken me all this time, research, heartaches, rap sessions, help groups, and more to gain the knowledge that I shared with my readers--the knowledge came with a terrible price tag. I write in metaphors and word pictures. My books are not written for the "macho man,” the “abuser" or any man who feels that he has no problems.
In Men Don’t Listen
, I tell the reader this is a self-help book. I have the reader climb inside of the head of men to decode the secrets they hold onto. My goal is for the reader to have the relationship they have always dreamed of. Finally, there is help for the male and female interested in improving or saving a relationship. It is written for anyone who has been frustrated by male-female relationships and wants guidance with understanding the opposite sex.
Using proven methods, I share how to finally understand how to get a man to communicate. While the title of this manuscript is sure to draw female attention, this book is for men as well. I speak to each group independently at times and other times, to both in general. Target readership would include married couples, people recovering from divorce, singles in relationships, singles frustrated by male-female differences, couples trying to save a relationship, and anyone studying interpersonal communication skills.
One group of reviewers said, “This is a worthy self-help publication written with heart, not theory, and is a clear and well organized book that provides couples with all the ammunition they need to put their lives together back on a positive footing.” Within an appropriate written length, I deal with various aspects of relationships, dealing with commonly encountered problems. I write with an impressive ‘gender neutrality’: the manuscript deals with men’s and women’s attitudes and needs in equal depth, rarely offering a value judgment (‘men are wrong to want this’, etc.). This inclusiveness is perhaps the books key strength: the book can be read by partners, each of whom will feel the author is speaking to them and will therefore take notice of what is being said.
As I cover men and their emotional suppression, we see how unfortunately in our society, men are taught not to express their feelings and what’s even worse, to not even know what they are. (I continue in my book, Men Cry Too
to cover the same areas but in poems and prose). And so, when they are attempting to communicate with women or an important partner or family member, it’s very hard to listen because men don’t have the language or the inner experience to match up with what women, children or an adolescent are typically saying to them.
My point here suggests how to overcome that. It is very, very important and extremely helpful to illuminate the inner workings of the male psyche to help women gain insights that will open channels of communication with the men in their lives. I examine the ways in which society dictates the behavior of men, so that men themselves can better access their emotions and get in touch with the true self that is often obscured while trying to conform to societal expectations of “manly” behavior. Through this approach I facilitate a fluid dialogue between the sexes that will break down the barriers that impede reciprocal understanding.
I often appeal to women’s more sensitive (and in some ways less vulnerable) nature to suggest strategies that will nurture trust and openness in men. Couples who read this helpful and accessible text can hope to enhance the quality of their lives. Not only do I provide ways in which men and women can improve the quality of their relationships, but I also offer fresh approaches to time management and interpersonal skills that will alleviate stress and bring love and success into their lives.
My material in my book, Men Cry Too
was written over a period of time when I was depressed, and my emotions were holding onto a tornado. I wrote about love, divorce, and heartache. The poems and prose were written as I was trying to handle what life dealt me. Written from my heart, I feel it would be valuable to share my experience with others. The poems help make sense of how people hold onto the thrills and memories of love, as they lose their loved ones. Love is possible another day. Scars will heal; hurt will dissipate, but love stays forever in the fibers of your body, the pages of your memory, and the senses of your being.
To others who are writing I share this, “When I started to write, I had no subject in mind. I had all these different emotions running though me at the same time; most of them bouncing off each other. I found if I wrote down what I was thinking, in time I felt better. I don’t know why writing about pain and heartache helps you grow, but you can learn from pain. As I wrote, I got stronger and saw where mistakes were made. Maybe the next time there will be no mistakes.”
Read my writings and you may avoid riding the tornado!
About Wayne L. Misner
Wayne L. Misner
has forty years in the healthcare field. He has devoted the last ten years to writing articles and books. His books, “Men Cry Too” consist of Poems & Prose and has just be released, and “Men Don’t Listen” is a self help book for men and women. Email him your comments at MenDontListen[at]aol.com or visit web page at www.MenDontListen.com
Wayne L. Misner Profile at OnceWritten.com